How it is
by DelilahTCullen
Summary: All a lies, all the pain, all the pretending. It all ends now.


**Okay, I know it's been like...years? But i just couldn't seem to keep away from FF for too long, therefore, I think I'm back...With a depressing story no less (: My life has been a reeeeeeeeeal mess lately. Writing is my only consolation. I hope i have time for FF, again. Oh, how i've missed you...**

**Since, it has indeed been AGES, i really need to work on my writing. Hopefully this isn't toooooo bad. No beta, no editing, took me twenty minutes to write. Let me know? I have a soft spot for cheaters, not gonna lie...**

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><p>You know when you are in a relationship; you're only supposed to be with that person. Not fucking someone else, not getting emotionally attached to someone else. It's just supposed to be that person. That's what a relationship is for. So, tell me….why is there people like me who like the thrill of being in a relationship with someone but fucking someone else? And why was the person I was fucking, the same kind of person I am?<p>

Edward and I have been through a lot. We met by chance, we fucked on purpose, and we cheated with no regrets. I moved on from my now ex boyfriend. But he didn't from his girlfriend. It didn't stop us, though. It just made things a little different. One night, it got to be too much for me. I got tired of his shit; of him always blowing me off.

It was one of those rare nights I was at his house. He was only 20, after all & lived with six roommates, so we weren't alone. But we tried not to venture too much into the personal. Even if we did know those small, precious facts about either other that came up every so often, it wasn't anything too big.

Anyway, we were all sitting in their garage, all the guys with some random girls thrown in. He knew I wasn't sleeping with anyone but him and I liked to think he was only sleeping with me – besides his clueless girlfriend, of course. Apparently, I was wrong and I discovered this, quite easily. Some stupid blonde bitch was all over him, all night. Whispering in his ear, sliding her grimy hands down his back as he played beer pong. Needless to say, I was pissed. Beyond pissed.

I was sitting on the couch, not even ten feet from these assholes when she said the words that really set me off. "Eddie, let's go back to your room. I just love your bed, so much. Remember last time? Its been way too long, I can make you moan like no other-"

I sighed as loud as possible and stood up before the cunt could finish. I was done. It really wasn't even worth it. I walked up the two steps and opened the garage door that led to the house. I was kind of lucky that his room was the only one downstairs, even it was right across from the garage. I stormed into his room, reaching for my bag and jacket when he walked in.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" He asked, as he stood with his eyes wide in gym shorts, a t-shirt, the Lakers' hat that I got him for his birthday and his worn black converse.

"I'm leaving….If you'll excuse me." I said, trying to walk around him but he was still standing in front of the door and there was no way around him.

"Leaving? You can't leave. You have no ride home." He said, crossing his arms over his chest, with a stupid smirk on his face. I narrowed my eyes at him and tried once again, to go around him. "Why do you even want to leave? Are you jealous of that girl in the garage?"

My eyes flickered to his. "Seriously? You've probably fucked her eighty billion times and you don't even know her name?"

Now it was his turn for his eyes to narrow. "First off, I've never fucked her. She looks like a walking STD bank. She only said those things because she knew you were listening. Second-"

I interrupted him before he could continue. "Why does that even matter? That's bullshit, she doesn't know about me. I'm not your fucking girlfriend. Whatever, I don't even care. Just fucking move." I once again, tried to move around him but he refused to move.

"Bella, you can't leave. I'm not letting you." He said, as he looked down at me, his hands now on his hips as he stood in my path.

Now, I was getting angry. "And who the fuck said I was asking you?" I yelled, as I dropped my bag with the sharp movement of indignation my body made.

He stared at me in shock, obviously not expecting my outburst. I took this as my chance and moved to push him aside, but he saw it coming and grabbed my arms. "Why are you doing this?" And shook me, slightly.

"Let go, you jackass! Move!" I was losing it slowly, I needed to get out of there.

"Bella! You are not leaving and that's it!" He said this as he lightly, pushed me back to his bed. I shook my head, roughly, trying to pull my arms free. My foot connected with his shin and then my knee with his stomach. He grunted, "Goddammit, Bella, knock it off!" He exclaimed, his voice going slightly higher as he moved his lower half away from my searching knee, before he plopped his long, lean body onto mine stopping all of my movements.

"You fucking dick! Get off of me, right now!" I said, using all of my strength to try to get him off me. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get his smell off my clothes and his name off my mind. I needed to get out. I had to get out. "Get off me, Edward Cullen! Get the fuck off!" I almost screamed as he pressed down on me harder as I squirmed.

"Stop it! Stop! Why don't you just tell me what's wrong? What the fuck, Bella!" He cried as he looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed over his eyes that looked black with the lighting in his room. My heart squeezed as I look at him. He's so adorable, its really not fair. Its not fair the card that I have been dealt. Because he's someone else's. He'll never be mine.

With new resolve, I looked away and used all of my strength. I managed to push him off a little bit….enough for my knee to make contact with his balls. "Fucking shit!" He groaned, as his hands loosened on my wrists and his body rolled into fetal position.

I jumped off his bed and ran for the door. "Bella, wait!" But I was already halfway to the door. I realized I had forgotten my bag on his floor but at this point, I didn't care. I had to do this, now. I had fallen for him. I had fallen hard. But I knew he would never be mine because he loved his girlfriend too much. I had always known, it wasn't my intention to fall for him. But I did. And it hurt so much.

My eyes were already burning by the time I almost got to the corner. I hadn't realized I was running but I was and my lungs were starting to feel it. I had fallen for a man who's heart was taken. I had fallen for a man who had a way with words. A man who was gorgeous and adorable and everything I looked for in a guy. That man was also going to the army in three short months, leaving me and everyone else. Yes, he had promised that we wouldn't lose contact, that there was Skype and snail mail and phone calls. I wanted to believe him so bad but I couldn't because I wasn't a priority. I was just a toy and it had taken me this fucking long to realize it.

I couldn't believe I had let myself feel this much for a man who wasn't mine. But I did and now I was screwed. This was closure for me. It had taken me days to convince him to bring me home with him and now I was definitely regretting it.

"Bella! Bella, please wait! Bella!" I looked behind me to see him running after me. His long legs carrying him a lot faster than my much shorter legs carry me. I shook my head as I turned away and started running again. "Dammit, Bella, stop!"

His voice was getting louder, the closer he got. I looked again to see him, nearing me too quickly. "No! Get away, I don't want y-"

I was cut off when he ran straight into me, knocking the air out of me. He then proceeded to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. "Oh, what the fuck! Put me down, you dipshit!" I yelled pounding on his back, as he walked back to his house with long, sure strides. He didn't make a move to acknowledge me and wrapped his arms over the back of my knees and ankles so, I couldn't kick him. "Put me down!" The tears were now streaming down my face as I realized now, that I had no way of escaping as easily as I had wanted to. That I had to face him and watch his face as he told me that I simply wasn't the one for him.

We reached his house, too quickly and he strode through the door that he left open and straight to his room. My hair was hanging in my face, so my view was constricted but i heard no voices, just music. No one stopped us as he made his way to his room. I slapped his back and pinched his sides, "Please. Please, fucking put me down. I'm getting lightheaded , you fucking asshole and if I pass out, I swear to GOD, you better not-"

"Now, you're talking but you aren't saying what you should be saying." He said, as he practically dropped me on his bed, face down. I slowly got to my hands and knees then sat back. "What is this about? Because, really, I don't get it."

"This is about me wanting to go home & you not letting me, dipshit." I said, irritated as I wiped my eyes, trying to be discreet.

His hands were suddenly pulling my face up so our eyes met. "Why are you crying? What did I do, Bella? For fuck's sake, talk to me because I don't get it. I don't get it, at all."

I grabbed his hands and threw them away from me, looking up at him with angry eyes. "I'm done and I want to go home. That's all there is to it. I thought I could lie to myself and tell myself that you love me but you don't. Not as much as Rosalie and there's nothing I could do about it. But I lied to myself and pretended. Now it's biting me in the ass. I'm leaving."

I got up and grabbed my bag as I headed for the door. Unfortunately, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him, hugging me tightly. "Don't say those things. You know you are important to me. You know that I love you to death and I never want to see you hurt. You know that you are one of my best friends. And I know that this situation isn't the best but-

"There is no buts, Edward. This can't go on." I said, as I looked down, trying to push him away.

"Stop pushing me away, Bella. Please. Tell me what's wrong-" The pleading in his voice was unbearable. I couldn't take it, anymore.

"I've fallen for you, Edward. I have and I wish I hadn't. I want no part of you. I don't even want to hear your name because I can't take it. I can't do this, anymore. I can't lie to myself and say that you are just a lay or a friend. I can't. That's just how it is."

With that, I walked out of his room, out of his house and out of his life, for good. Leaving my heart with him….and his precious little girlfriend, along with all the other girls he's slept with.

**Not bad? Maybe even kinda good? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?**

**Delilah xoxo**


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